Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday; the Ugly Lesbians Show; Why Female Bands Attract Freakish Fans and Black Twilight Circle

   Some random show the other night at Will’s Pub, as I walked in and there were some chicks playing with musical instruments on the stage, they were doing an inspired impersonation of a cat being microwaved.
   It never ceases to amaze me what a collection of weird looking lesbians a girl fronted band will bring out. There are a pair in front of me now that look like the Politically Correct section of FARC (the Colombian rebel group), ohh wow, and now the chick that lost a bunch of weight and explained it by “pooping a lot” (??!), this is a regular freak-fest tonight.
   WTF?! I paid seven dollars to watch an empty stage?! This is lame. Typical Florida show.
   Speaking of which, what type of clown would play in a girl fronted band? Homosexuals would be the only ones with an excuse. Anyone claiming to be straight and playing in a girl band… I don’t know, that sounds like their dad hugged them too much or too little.
   Seriously guys, those girls aren’t going to let you stick that little thing in them.
   Anyway, two bassists, a drummer and keyboardist, the band has a surfer, indie, low-fi, dual female singer thing going that is ok live.
But the music is just a side issue. The real question is why is the drummer in a lesbian band?
I really don’t get it.
Besides for that the collection of odd-looking lesbians is really starting to creep me out. It is like an antique/thrift store convention with bright colors, scarfs, strips, dyed hair and an oder of pichulli and raw tuna drifts through the haze of cigarette smoke.
A female band is some sort of secret social code inviting all the fucked up looking women to come out under the cover of darkness, then there is a large group of them, that way no one lesbian stands out and then they can pretend like they are “normal”.
Besides for that no one in their right mind is going to make fun of 30 drunk lesbians who applied their make-up with a paint-sprayer… God. That would be one nasty scene; like a stampede of angry hippos with mace. The only way to ward off that attack is by throwing condoms at them like a priest with holy water.
With that grim thought upon my mind I decided to leave, well that and the next band was taking forever to set up.


Part of the Black Twilight Circle, just black metal, no frills.


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