High On Fire show at Will’s Pub

High On Fire played the other day up at Will’s, I got up there just as they started playing, and the place was packed. Full of rat tails, hipsters and chubber-wubbers. In fact, one thick girl I saw had a portrait of herself dressed as a princess tattooed on her leg. Talk about a warning sign, wow, she might as well wear a sign saying “I’m a pain in the ass”. Now, I’m no beauty, but I had to note that High on Fire attracted an exceptionally ugly crowd. Not violent or anything like that, just really not good looking people. Seriously. On a scale of one to ten, with five being average, the majority of the crowd would have been around the 2-3 range, like, just short of obvious physical deformations. Even for Orlando this was a notable gathering of uggos, I didn’t even get a beer because I didn’t want to wade through the horde of sweaty, ugly people, brushing against me with their hair and their sweat… Gross.
The band was clearly having a good time, as was everyone else. While it was a fun show, the sound was so poor I wouldn’t call it a “good” show. The sound was so clean it could have been a CD playing and the drummer was barely audible. But, the enthusiasm was there, and Will’s is always a decent venue, so it wasn’t bad at all.



Round Eye show at Will’s Pub

Friday there was a show at Will’s Pub. That, I’m sure of. There are photos to prove it. I know I was there because I took pictures of odd looking lesbians, and I had a shot of Fireball. Then I remember a bunch of people dicking around and socializing for an hour. Typical Florida show.
Midnight rolled around, I was eight IPAs deep and our ride was leaving… So basically I missed the show but got to see chubby girls with no makeup… It’s funny being that drunk and the women still don’t look good.
Anyway, Manny tells me the show was great and yet again a show review is ruined by craft beer.


“Round Eye are a Shanghainese expat rock and roll band formed in 2012 by Craig “Chachy” Englund, who is the group’s lead vocalist, guitarist and chief songwriter, Robert Brown (Bass), Lewis Maplethorpe (saxophone), and Jimmy Jack (drums and percussion). The played their first show at the Yuying Tang rock club in Shanghai, China on June 4th, 2012 and are to release their debut eponymous E.P. as a 12” split record with American punk rock band Libyan Hit Squad (LHS) in September of the same year on Ripping Records.

Former members of Libyan Hit Squad, Super AIDS, Evelyn Rose, Sikhara, and The Rondos”

And here are some weird lesbians with no makeup, I didn’t understand, and it’s not because I was drunk.

Show at Will’s and The Experiment

Tonight (8/30/2013) is a two-part post; there was a show at Will’s Pub, but it cost $20 and quite honestly I’m not going to be here for long- It’s Friday, I’m tired and the second part of the post is The Experiment;
The Army special forces soldier who killed 16 Afgan villagers blamed it on snorting Valium and drinking (Check it out here), which I decided to scienticly test this alibet, in the name of science.
I ate some, snorting them is gross, and I have had a few drinks, yet I can honestly say that I don’t feel compelled to kill any villagers.
Dispite how freakish and boring other Orlandoians are, I feel no blood lust, just the need to wash my hands.
Dispite the initial ring of logic I can not uncover any evidence corroberating this claim. In fact, I am a bit more tolerent of the crap blaring from next door.
The show was a flop and the soldier’s defence rates a 10%, so I leave you with a solid Pelican album;


Another Show at Will’s Pub

Ohh wow, big suprise, $3.00 cover to see drums and fucking hipsters 45 minutes after the “show” was advertised to start. This is like the nexus of rattails and chicks with no make-up that I would likely get alcohol poisoning before I wanted to have intercourse with them… Cheap cigarettes don’t make those girls any more attractive, either.
Besides for the girls that my dog won’t hump and the guys those girls won’t screw, this show sucks. I think that I just paid three dollars to rip on people I don’t know.
That show was so unimpressive and completely Orlando-Rattail that I left after one beer in favor of playing Vice City on the iPad instead of looking at an empty stage.
So, here instead is Øresund Space Collective, Entering into the Space Country from 2011 featuring a guitarist of fame, specifically whose fame I am totally unaware of, that of Hurdy Gurdy and Secret Oyster… Killer guitar riffs and, of course, properly spacey, this is a great release, 89%.
That said, the matter of GTA Vice City 10th anniversary edition and the sporadic posts still remain to be properly addressed; The posts have skipped days because work has picked up and there have been fewer albums that I felt compelled to talk about, though ØSC is always a good backup, always putting out awesome space jams. And, as this album demonstrate, there are mounds of great European artists out there that I have never heard of, so there will be more regular posts forthcoming, including a new Nutty Cock n Nuts sodomy ‘zine which I will be sure to share as soon as I collect my mail.
Vice City; I forgot how fun this game was. The controls for the iPad leave a touch to be desired, but not much. Overall this is the exact same game, with the addition that you can use the tape deck in the cars! That is to say you make a playlist entitled “vicecity” and while driving a car switch the radio to “tape deck” and your playlist plays as part of the game! And all the maps for the hidden packages, rampages, free weapons, police stars are readily available. The only negative I can note is that the opening introduction films for GTA 3 made it crash every time, so now for Vice City I just skip past the intro, but this is the same great game we all know and love. Highly recommended.


Jucifer Show at Will’s Pub review

Ok, I waited until 7 to start drinking so that I would not be totally annotated (spell-check, but I like it better) by the time a band was ready to play. However, that said, it is 10 o’clock and someone is finally starting the sound check for the show that was supposed to start at 9, so I am going to grab another beer and check these guys out.
Minutes later I return to report;
Wow, crap-o-la. I don’t know who was playing, but boy they brought out the rat-tails, I tell you. The crowd was so greasy I left after three songs and my second beer. All there was to report was Jucifer’s (I am guessing) wall of sound crap; wow, there was a lot of stuff there, stacked to the ceiling, a lot for a two piece, but I heard that they are incredibly loud. I suppose I should have stayed and heard them play, but I was in genuine fear that if I stood near those people too long I would contract some odd affliction like scabies or lice.


Earth show at Will’s Pub

Ok I am predicting that this will be a festival of rat-tails… Ohh and it was. It was an impressive collection of badly dressed and painfully ugly people, Orlando’s finest.
I ran into M up there and, wow, Earth was amazing. I will note that even in a room full of ugly ass people that band stood out as fugly, good God.
I was not a huge fan of their latest album, but live, it is incredible.
Earth puts on a great show, I was blown away, I haven’t been to a show that was that good in years.

Earth at Last FM


***SPECIAL HALLOWEEN REPORT*** Psycho 78 show at Will’s Pub (2012) [8th annual]

Ok I was way,way off about the show. It was last Saturday and I did make it (as I am writing while attending)… but it is pretty lame so far.
Ten minutes later same thing to report, this is not cool in my book. No one to ridicule. Beves assures me Dung and Yakke will be here soon, but I have to work in the morning and it is 10:34 pm already, so I am calling it a night.
The Misfits cover band goes on at midnight and Beves assures me that it is “punk rock” to stay up late, but I’m not seeing it. So I am ending this show review with the sad observation that… I’nl… IBM…
In the sad observatory of the drunk. God I was hammered, Dung and Yakke showed up a few minutes later and it was festive. Seth and his wife also attended (sorry guys, I don’t have any witty nicknames for you), which reminds me that I the been meaning to post about his band for quite some time, which is sk8 punk, and honestly I am so hung over at the moment that I can’t form good thoughts and sentences much less write them.
The band went on at midnight and my BAC was nearing the point where I shouldn’t be in public or speaking to people.
So I excused myself, actually I stumbled off without saying goodbye, and managed to get home without throwing my bike into a lake or hurting myself.
In case you were wondering why I choose 6:41 p.m. to post this; sunset in Orlando. Happy Halloween.


Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday; the Ugly Lesbians Show; Why Female Bands Attract Freakish Fans and Black Twilight Circle

   Some random show the other night at Will’s Pub, as I walked in and there were some chicks playing with musical instruments on the stage, they were doing an inspired impersonation of a cat being microwaved.
   It never ceases to amaze me what a collection of weird looking lesbians a girl fronted band will bring out. There are a pair in front of me now that look like the Politically Correct section of FARC (the Colombian rebel group), ohh wow, and now the chick that lost a bunch of weight and explained it by “pooping a lot” (??!), this is a regular freak-fest tonight.
   WTF?! I paid seven dollars to watch an empty stage?! This is lame. Typical Florida show.
   Speaking of which, what type of clown would play in a girl fronted band? Homosexuals would be the only ones with an excuse. Anyone claiming to be straight and playing in a girl band… I don’t know, that sounds like their dad hugged them too much or too little.
   Seriously guys, those girls aren’t going to let you stick that little thing in them.
   Anyway, two bassists, a drummer and keyboardist, the band has a surfer, indie, low-fi, dual female singer thing going that is ok live.
But the music is just a side issue. The real question is why is the drummer in a lesbian band?
I really don’t get it.
Besides for that the collection of odd-looking lesbians is really starting to creep me out. It is like an antique/thrift store convention with bright colors, scarfs, strips, dyed hair and an oder of pichulli and raw tuna drifts through the haze of cigarette smoke.
A female band is some sort of secret social code inviting all the fucked up looking women to come out under the cover of darkness, then there is a large group of them, that way no one lesbian stands out and then they can pretend like they are “normal”.
Besides for that no one in their right mind is going to make fun of 30 drunk lesbians who applied their make-up with a paint-sprayer… God. That would be one nasty scene; like a stampede of angry hippos with mace. The only way to ward off that attack is by throwing condoms at them like a priest with holy water.
With that grim thought upon my mind I decided to leave, well that and the next band was taking forever to set up.


Part of the Black Twilight Circle, just black metal, no frills.


Weedeater and ASG show at Will’s Pub

The weedeater/ASG show Friday at Will’s Pub was awesome. My experiments with gravity took longer than expected so I missed Cough, but I did arrive in time to see ASG play.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I hadn’t heard ASG before and so wasn’t expecting much, boy was I wrong. ASG plays down-tuned stoner/sludge with a intensity that turned half the floor into a mosh pit.
It really was a southern sludge metal show, half the crowd was construct-neck as fuck, there was even a guy wearing a welder’s cap. Which brings up a good point about Florida events; when the welders are present it is going to be excellent. I don’t know what makes old swamp-neck welders elite music critics, but there is definatly a correlation.
After ASG’s set weedeater started setting up and the bassist began screaming “crack-rock” into the mic and rubbing his nose for the sound check… which makes me wonder… I’ll leave that one alone though.
Whatever the underlying motivation for the tour, weedeater puts on an excellent show, and it was monumental with buzzing guitars, heavy riffs and screeched vocals, in other words awesome.


Alchest show at Will’s Pub

   Last Thursday Alchest played at Wills with Deafheaven, Legions and Fire in the Cave.  I attended with my old friend and fellow metal head, RK, and we arrived in time for several of Fire in the Cave’s songs, and their down-tuned and unique style is a breath of fresh air in a town that has too many cover bands and bands that are too dumb to realize that they are just cover bands with different lyrics performed by thirty-somthing hair-goons… But I digress, the band was good and definatly worth seeing.
   Speaking of worth seeing, wow, there were some badly dressed women there. I’m not trying to be mean here, but someone needs to tell their girlfriend to let her mom dress her from now. For real, bright peach jean-shorts aren’t cool on anyone. Even the Pissed-off-Retard that lives down the street would heckle this chick while he did his end-zone victory dance wearing a paintball mask. It was bad. And there were others too…
   The cappuccino stout was still on tap and by some cruel twist of fate RK had to take a drip-test in the morning, so he couldn’t drink, only watch me get hammered like some poor dejected child whose family couldn’t afford roller-skates for him.
Legions played next and they were pretty good, however some of the songs later in their set leaned more towards technical death metal, which I am not a huge fan of, but Whatevesies. Other than those couple of songs they are another band that’s definatly worth seeing again.
After that RK was starting to look as suicidal as the kid wearing the lifelover shirt and soon there after we agree it was time to go… I was talking too loudly and the stouts were taking their toll.
A good show all in all, even though I didn’t see the headlining band, again, but this time I awoke clothed but clutching a Sierra Nevada with The Fellowship of the Ring playing on repeat… Apogeematt