Dawn- Apparition demo (1992)

Ok, so the new Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday was delayed in part because I decided on early Dawn for the metal half of the post. Dawn is a Swedish blackened death metal that I remember for their 1998 album, Slaughtersun, which is remarkable, a classic and one of the best albums ever. Brainstorming for Wednesdays post I got the idea to explore some of the older and lesser known blackened death metal releases. Blackened death came about in the early 90’s before black metal was a genre distinct from death metal and there were bands that blended elements of both, standing somewhere in the middle. While Dawn is better know for a later album, their early work are excellent and such a great sampling of that era and I didn’t want to limit it to just one release, so here is Dawn’s Apparition demo from 1992. Easy to leave on repeat, a classic and highly recommended, 90%.

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Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday; the Real Reason for Marriage and Goatwhore- Constricting Rage of the Merciless (2014)

Men rarely threaten divorce, yet it is the standard threat with women. Ever wonder why?
Marriage is an ancient custom designed to protect the woman and children before they were treated as citizens, which made sense. Modern society has turned women into equal citizens and paternity tests assign parental responsibility regardless of martial status. This freedom has made divorce an easy exit for women, which is fine, but that removes the main motivation for men to marry as well. Divorce is normally more expensive and detrimental towards the male, which means that the relationship will always be less secure for the man than it is for the woman. The ease of divorce and lack of real financial consequences for a woman seeking divorce means that for practical purposes marriage is a one sided street favoring the woman with few tangible benefits for the man other than pleasing his partner and opening himself up to financial headaches. Women know and deny this also, but during the worst arguments wives always threaten divorce, which revels their motivation for getting married.
The purpose of marriage in the modern era is to provide the woman with strategic high-ground during arguments. Women cloud the issue with different “points”, but the real reason for getting married is for the woman to have the upper hand during arguments and ultimately get her way. While dating, both partners are relative equals, which burns women’s souls as badly as a man smiling without them. Thus the reason why all girlfriends are angling, somehow, no matter how subtly, towards marriage.
Women burned their bras in their fight to be treated as equals, but now, forty years later, it’s clear that they have no desire to treat men as equals. This could explain why our forefathers resisted giving women voting rights.
Next week, I will explain why all women want the shower heads with the hose attachment.

Goatwhore’s new release Constricting Rage of the Merciless is great blackened death, plain and simple. Goatwhore has always put out quality albums and this is no exception. I’m not going to dissect it song by song like many of the Metallum reviews, if you like Goatwhore you’ll like this album.
If you haven’t heard them before, I highly recommend a listen, these guys are from Louisiana playing textbook blackened death metal and all of their albums are good enough to be left on repeat. 88%.

Metallum
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Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday; Children Are Our Future, That’s Why We Are Going To Be Speaking Chinese and Belphegor- The Last Supper (1995)

Children are our future, and by the looks of today’s children we are going to be speaking Chinese in the nursing home. Seriously, these kid are coddled and can’t grasp anything unless there is some sort of digital interface involved. It is like these smart phones have become children’s interpreters to the rest of the world.
Our’s (The Loser Generation) is the generation that grew up in a mechanical world that turned digital, thus we are comfortable in both relms. Now a days the neighborhoods are quite, the streets clear because the children are all busy growing fat, parked in front of some digital device.
We were the last generation that was beaten, or at least not pampered too horribly. After watching a young mother spend five minutes looking at her son’s scraped knee I became convinced that if America’s defence depends on that kid at some point in the future, we’re screwed. The medics of the future are going to look like tribal porters carrying hundred pound packs of Band Aids around the battlefield treating every Owwie with a Band Aid and a kiss. For real, we need to order the Rosetta Stone to learn Chinese, because I seriously think in twenty years these wussies could be defeated in battle by a disiplined army using non-lethal force, like water cannons and seaweed.
I can see the headlines already-
“American Forces Routed Because Enemy Cheated and Used ‘The Icky Weapon'”, which would really just be a catapaulted mixture of earthworms, sour milk and old mustard.
The Iranians and North Koreans are wasting their time on nuclear research when all they need to do is raise their kids not to be wusses.

Belphegor’s The Last Supper is Austrian blackened death from 1995, complete with quasi-hair-metal riffs and old school death-growls. Despite being the band’s debut album their sound is well developed and not jagged as many band’s freshman albums sound. This isn’t the absolute best, but it is era and quite listenable. The second, screeching vocalist adds little to the overall sound other than cheese points, and the organs are unneeded, but overall it scores an 80%.

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For the entire discography and another interesting blogspot, click HERE.

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Random Download ; Absu- 3/31/1994 Rehearsal

Today is Random Downloads Day and today’s selection I found over at ascoven, an Absu rehearsal tape from 1994. This recording is slightly muddy and imperfect blackened death from Texas… This is a must have for the collector of early 90’s metal and fans of Absu. Excellent background music, lacking lyrics except for a couple songs, though not for everyone I really like it, 84%

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Metallum

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Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday; Middle Aged Moms and Immensité- demo (2012)

Children turn middle-aged women into gawking morons with no sense what so ever. Starbucks is a good place for observing this phenomena, because first off, bringing children into a coffee shop is worse than bringing them to a bar, and secondly, evolution made children dislike coffee so that they would not be murdered by cranky, half-awake adults first thing in the morning.
No one thinks children are “cute” before their morning coffee. Holding up the line in Starbucks is neither the time nor place to display fuck-trophies. Early in the morning children aren’t “miricles”, they’re the worst STD know to man. “No she can’t take the fucking cheese off the breakfast sandwich! Get your vaginal turd out of here and let me get my coffee in peace!”
Honestly, dogs have more place inside a coffe shop than children. True, dogs lick their butts, but children stick their fingers up theirs’, and at least most dog germs aren’t contagious to humans, where as children are just annoying petri dishes with brown fingers.

Immensité is blackened death metal from Salt Lake City whose songs are based on the poetry of Georges Batalle (ok…). A solo project, this was recorded last year and it’s a pretty good demo. The sound is more in vein with bands such as Undergang than Dawn leaning more towards old school death than what I would consider blackened death. Also, there is a stupid spoken word part, in yet another language that I don’t speak which adds nothing to a death metal album. Hate to be the one to point it out, but spoken word is stupid, especially on a death metal demo. Who wants to hear that?
This demo starts out strong but quickly fades into a quagmire of songs that are a bit too intense. There are good musical ideas being explored, it just seems that other musicians would help develop this solo-project into a really good band, 79%.

Bandcamp

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Finnish Death Metal: Belial- Wisdom of Darkness (1992)

Time for another round of the Random Tag Game! Today it’s “Finnish Death Metal” which has yielded Belial and a monstrous work of Blackened Death. Back in 1992 Black Metal hadn’t yet crystallized as a genre, it was growing out of death metal circles and this album captures that moment beautifully, with great blast beats and growled vocals, a stellar EP from a little known band; 92%.
Apparently they went in a somewhat mainstream direction later in the band’s career according to this Metallum review, but this release is defiantly quality.

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Morbid- December Moon (1987)

Morbid was a blackened death/ thrash band from Sweden, formed in 1985 by
Dead, yes the same Dead who later joined Mayhem, who was also commented suicide with the note that read “Sorry about the mess” and was forever immortalized by the album cover Dawn of the Black Hearts.
This is classic in so far as it being Dead’s original band and that it showcases early Swedish death/thrash/black metal (1987), defiantly one for the collection, 89%.

shady dl link

Also here is a YouTube video of Year of the Goat which is a complation of all their work.

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Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday; Female Hobbies and Dissection- Storm of the Light’s Bane

For those who haven’t noticed, women don’t really have hobbies, not the way guys do anyway. Males have hobbies to relax and as a distraction from the rest of the day.
Most women don’t have hobbies and most of those that do are lesbians looking to play the “Who Can Find Charlie Tuna?” game with other weird looking lesbians, which is one of the four hobbies women have;
1. Sex
2. Children
3. Shopping/spending money
4. Torturing husband/boyfriend

The first two on the list are predetermined by nature for the continuation of the species, and the second two explain the expression “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”
Men can handle down-time, we find hobbies, it’s women who can’t deal with a spare moment.
If a woman has an idle moment, instantly the female mind becomes convinced something is wrong and looks for something to buy to alleviate the discomfort (Female Hobby #3).
Now if the female can go shopping unhindered everything will be fine (thus why that Trump brat is always so nice in interviews; she can shop as much as she wants).
Female Hobby #4 comes into play when the children get older, play by themselves and the credit cards get maxed out.
No children, no shopping, the only function of the female mind left is to uncover every conceivable reason why their husband/boyfriend is an asshole.
Armed with this knowledge men can defend themselves… well, not really. It is more like a chess game where the king avoids smiling around the queen.
Seriously, if a wife is idle and sees that her husband is also, the female mind will occupy itself with the problem of the idle husband…
Obviously he needs something to do or he’s an asshole.

Dissection is Swedish Blackened-Death metal and this is easily one of my favorite albums of all time and a black metal classic. This album is a snap-shot of the Black Metal scene in 1995, the riffs the cleaner production and the movement towards a symphonic sound layered on top of underlying death metal influences, building towards the Blackened-Thrash sound that is currently in vogue.
The band has split up due to the guitarist/vocalist deciding that he had accomplished enough;

Jon Nödtveidt (aged 31) shot and killed himself on August 16th, 2006. Swedish police found him in his apartment inside a circle of lit candles. It is believed that he killed himself because he felt he had achieved all that he could/was meant to in this life. According to some who actually knew him this was probably planned ever since he got out of jail.

The band first disbanded due to Jon Nödtveidt‘s accomplice to murder conviction. He was serving time in prison since 1997 until early 2004 and then reactivated the band.” (metallum)

download Storm of the Light’s Bane

100th Post! Relationship Advice and Black Metal Wednesday- The Explanation for Those Mormon Dorks and Black Witchery/Conqueror split- Hellstorm of Evil Vengeance (2000)

This is StoneOfTheSwamp’s 100th post! Today’s relationship advice is about why those 18 year old Mormon dorks go around in the heat of the summer wearing black dress-pants, bicycle helmets and camel-packs; the explanation is based in relationships.
Sunday afternoon sitting on the porch a pair of these clowns comes walking down the street. First they start talking at the ich-crew across the street. Drug addicts the ich-crew might be, but they are polite, because they listened to those twits for a good five minutes before Mormon-Pineapple (thus named for his complexion) finally got the hint that ichy-prego and ichy-greasy didn’t care, so he and Mormon-Pepperoni took that as their que to strike up a conversation with me and Kenny.
These religious dingle-berries prey upon people’s common courtesy and natural inclination not to be totally rude to strangers and use it against them by preaching about things that they already know and obviously don’t care about, so when he started towards us I gave him the finger, told him what I thought of him while letting the dog stalk menancly into the yard growing with raised fur. Then they got the hint and left.
Kenny looks at me with raised eyebrows and I explained; All the Mormon kids have to do that crap or a year of missionary work overseas. They send the boys off preaching hoping that they wander away, because if all of the girls are married off to a few old men, then something obviously has to be done with the males of the same age; a large number of late teen/early twenties males not getting laid is a social time-bomb waiting to happen. Besides for that, what type of fucked-up society is that where only a select few limp-dicked old men get laid? They also have “Magic Underwear” which protects the anointed few from evil… pretty queer evil if underwear keeps it at bay, but whatevesies.
My point is that those two don’t even know why they are sweating their asses off in the Florida heat wearing fucking bicycle helmets, so I don’t care what they have to say.
In fact, it would probably have been nice if I told those two what time it is.
A couple of hours later coming back from Starbucks I see that same pair talking to a chunky blonde Cougar, and she was defiantly interested, just not in what they had to say. By the looks of it she had plans for both of them too. And they just stood there babbling away.
While riding away it struck me that by the end of the night that blonde was going to have a bicycle helmet clinched tightly between her thighs, beating the top of it with a wooden spoon while screaming “Mush!”…
And thus Mormon society relieves itself of two more young men…

Black Witchery is a local band from Winter Springs playing Blackened-Death metal.
I met them once at Josh’s, cool guys… actually I had been drinking and all I remember is saying something a little off-color and getting some fucked-up looks from them. OK, it was really off-color.
But anyway this band is great not only for the music and that they are locals, but they are also one of the old Black Metal bands that are lesser known, great all around.

download

Black Witchery@MySpace

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